When writing a novel, how can a character be developed well, but QUICKLY?

They both burst out laughing. “I’m right, though,” Claire went on.

“Cute girls?”

“Yes way. It’s washing itself under the street light. Uh-oh, I think it spotted me. It knows I’m watching it. I swear it’s looking at me.”

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Here’s how we presented the character Claire when she was introduced, which the agent particularly singled out:

Claire, one of May’s three flatmates, former university roommate, and best friend in all the world, shrugged expansively. “It’s a Saturday night. What else would I be doing?”

May pushed Claire’s feet away. Claire rose to peer out the window. “Huh. It’s still there.”

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“Damn straight. So get to it! This time next week, I want to hear some moans coming through that wall.”

“I need to do laundry.”

After Eunice and I finished London Under Veil, I entered the first chapter in a contest at a convention where you could submit something and have it critiqued by a professional book agent.

Why do I (45, male) feel like I'm crushing on a girl (19, female)?

Essentially, what you do is show the character:

May yelped. “Hey! Your feet are cold!”

“No, about the cat. You don’t need a cat. You remember what happened to your spider plant, right?”

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“Claire! Why are you still up?”

“About wearing more clothes? How am I supposed to catch any fish if I don’t show off the bait?”

“Yep!” Claire chirped. “There’s this schoolboy, see, and he’s homeless, so he lives in this boarding house that used to be a hot springs bathhouse, which is cheap because it’s haunted, so he decides—”

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“You need some tea!”

“You don’t need a cat. You can’t take care of a cat. You can’t take care of a ficus.” Claire flopped on the other side of the sofa and wriggled her feet beneath May.

“Exactly.”

What is the best/cute/funny/playful chat/conversation between brother and sister?

Do that and you can ground your characters quite quickly.

“Well, maybe if you didn’t spend all day reading—” May prodded the book with its garishly-coloured cover with her foot. “Bizarre comic book porn…”

Claire sat back down, legs tucked elegantly beneath her. “You are looking a bit sloppy,” she said, inspecting May through narrowed eyes.

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“Fine.” May collapsed into the warm spot Claire had just vacated.

“I try not to, but thank you for reminding me. I know I don’t need a cat. I don’t want a cat. What would I do with a cat?”

Doing something they enjoy, that expresses their personality, and that is in some way unusual or noteworthy;

What made you stop being an addict?

“None of those either. Look upon the wasteland that is my sex life, and see that it is barren. Naught but a moggie followed me home.”

May studied the black and white comic panels. “Oh, my. She looks…anatomically implausible. What is she doing to that poor man? Wait, are those cat ears?”

“I’m serious!” Claire said. “It’s staring straight at me.” She let the curtain fall. “Weird.”

What are some questions obviously just asked for sexual gratification?

“It’s not looking at you.”

“I know! That’s why I’m putting them under you!”

“I don’t know. Partying. Going to a pub. Anything besides sitting on the couch reading…” She squinted. “What the hell are you reading?”

When British people write X after everything, are they being serious or trying not to be awkward?

“Perv.”

Engaging in conversation that also shows something about their intelligence, personality, wit (or lack thereof); and

“Exactly.”

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“May! You’re home late! Early, I mean. Well, I mean, it’s early in the morning, but you’re home before I expected. Er, after. Before?”

“I’m just a fan of your catch and release program.”

“I’ll put the kettle on.”

“Hang on, are they playing ping-pong?”

“Thanks. You’re looking pretty ratty yourself. Have you been in that bathrobe all day?”

The agent had only one bad thing to say (the synopsis was crap; writing synopses is hard!), but praised the characterization and particularly how well we introduced a character’s personality quickly.

“Well, maybe if you’d wear more clothes, they wouldn’t feel so cold. Hussy!”

“Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs!” Claire turned the book around.

“Nary a cute boy in sight.”

“From the look of you, if you try to sleep now, you’ll spend the next three hours hanging onto your bed trying to stop the world spinning. Since you’re not going to sleep anyway, you might as well keep me company.”

“Nope, I mean a cat followed me home. A black cat, to be exact. All the way from the club. Probably still out there, for all I know.”

“I’m glad my sex life is so entertaining.”

“They are! He broke the rules of the boarding house by petting this character while she was in cat form, so they invoke the ancient rules of single combat via ping-pong, and—”

“You know what? Never mind,” May said. “I am way, way too drunk to be having this conversation.”

“No way.”

“Why is that always your first suggestion? I do not need some tea. It’s three o’clock in the morning! If I have tea, I’ll never get to sleep.”

In the kitchen, Claire set out a battered pair of mugs: May’s black, with “PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair” in white letters; Claire’s white, with “This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays” in dark blue. She carried both mugs into the living room. “A moggie followed you home? Is this some weird Internet slang I’m not current on?”

Create a context between this character and other characters.

“But they’re cold!”

“Number one, it’s not porn, it’s ecchi, and number two, why would I waste a perfectly good Saturday doing anything else?” Claire pulled at her tea and sighed. “The only thing that could make this day better is if you'd come home with some cute boy, so that after you kicked him out tomorrow I could live vicariously through you.”

“So you didn’t meet any cute boys at the club tonight?” Claire called as she bustled about the small kitchen.

“Tart!”

“Claire, I—”

“It’s a cat. All cats are weird.” May sipped from her mug, inhaling the warmth. She closed her eyes. The room spun. She opened them again. “Ugh. I think I drank too much.”